2008

2008 has been a year of reflection. That includes all aspects of my life: financial, physical, spiritual, relational, mental (personal growth), and psychological. Not a small feast when one has to take into account every of above and do it in a way that balances a life. I'm not interested to rate against my previous years. I know what were the gains and losses. I wouldn't like to fall into the trap of going after bigger goals every year. It will become a never-ending story of self-indulging games that may cause so much suffering for many people and I don't want to be like that.
I admit I could have worked a little harder, made a bit more money, completed my doctorate, written another book and found a dozen more clients. I could have done all that still find not enough and not feel fulfilled. I tend to take life as it flow. If it comes, it comes. If not, that's okay too. As it turned out , although a little poorer financially just like a lot of my friends, I maintain the stamina to complete coming three marathons. I also admit I need to add a bit spice on my spiritual study that has not been as real to me nowadays than say three years ago. I believe I'm more philosophical to deal with many life issues such as flabby body shape or crow legs around my eyes. All these are signs of aging and are slowly accepted them signs with grace. The most rewarding areas to me is to maintain new found friendships resulted in hiking activities. Relationship with family has always been my foundation and strong suit, although there are challenging times as my children become teenagers who have been my inspiration and without them my life wouldn't have fulfilled. I'm grateful for that.

Leverage

Writing a chapter in my new book called leverage in coaching context. What does it mean to most people about "leverage" ? In investment world, it has become a "doggy" word which has caused calamities in the world because of the leverage that most investors went crazy creating the investment bubble that's fueled by none the less the easy money policy of the US Federal Reserve. The boom and bust that goes with investment and economy could have the same effect in coaching world. The leverage we use in the form of borrowed favors from family and friends, if without accountability and introspection when is enough could prove damaging as well. So living and doing within our means is the key to maintain the form of stable relationship that could make things a lot easy. Current situation of deleveraging process in business world is as painful as one could imagine, that unwinding the borrowings and going back to basic need adjustment slowly. In relationship, that's also true

Men and Women

In the process of writing a book on men and women relationship, particularly in a marriage. Many books have been written about marriage which is the most important relationship of all in a family setting. Although many experts argue children are just well brought up even in a broken family situation, given choice, a family intact which has good marital relationship is surely a preference over a family fallen apart.
So what is impasse that causes the eventual fallout? Perhaps, men and women need to pay a bit attention on style of communication. Here are two key sentiments we need to take into account in communication that could save the marriage in the end.
Men compete in the position of "Status" and Women in the position of "Connection". So you hear women sharing thoughts and feelings that earn them closeness among family and friends. That's the connection they are after. You also hear men awfully quiet at home but in workplaces or in public, they could speak hours. That's the status as an expert they are after. All these tendencies have a lot to do with brought up as men and women. Men believe in logic, information, facts, hierarchy while women into feeling, connection, and caring. These qualities chunked out different personalities. Without awareness, they could spell world of differences that resulted in bad relationship.

Parenting

In today's world, parenting is about letting your children developing into something what they want instead of stamping them into conformity. In essence, it's how coaching all about. It's hard in the beginning and it's frightening, confronting all these devilish thoughts that letting go of control means our children will fall into abysmal pits that will never recover from the ills. That fact letting our children developing into what they want is the surest way to nurture responsible children who will develop the character of their own.

More Single Women!

In today's world, more and more women are finding themselves left out of the institution of marriage. Some opt out deliberately, but others tried but couldn't find right ones for the life commitment. People wonder what went wrong. From numbers, there is nothing wrong. In Hong Kong, there are too few of straight or good men for all straight or good women, and so women caught in a game of musical chair in which a percentage of women are going left standing in this game.
In 2001, a survey showed there is 2 to 1 ratio of more gay men and lesbian women. Numerically speaking, number adds up to more men, by virtue of women supply in the mainland or mortality rate that younger men prone to accidents that cause death by accidents, suicides, homicides or drowning etc.. All these point to far more women left out in a game of marriage than one reason stood out in the press; that is mainland inevitably offers more choices of women for Hong Kong men. So it's a host of reasons why we find more women enjoying single life than previous generations. In fact the more unattached women in Hong Kong, the more harmony there will be. Most historians will say more unattached men leads to war and a society with more unattached women will lead to peace.

Two books from Obama

Read two his books: The Audacity of Hope which is his second book, an excellent book, recounting his ambition in running offices first as a State Senator, a US Senator and then the President. Clearly articulated philosophies as depicted in the book will determine his way of governing the US. Even more interesting is his first book " Dreams From My Father". The book was written before all his plan of running offices. The clear disclosure of his past made the reading a lot more interesting. The book is his autobiography, showing his inner feel bright and dark sides of Obama and also as a human being, smoke, drinks, drugs and womanizing which filled in his darker days. The fact he was raised by a single parent family set another example that you don't need a full function family with Mom and Dad to become great.

Won at last

Have been staying all day to watch return of US presidential election. As predicted by most polls, there you have the president elected Obama, a bittersweet experience with towering problems to be handled in the US and around the world. A collapsing economy and two wars still pending, it's no feast for anyone who leads in this dire situation. Nevertheless, good start.

Obama

At time of this writing, we have no way to conclude Obama gonna be elected as the president. Looking at his history as a black American, raised in mixed race family in 60's, admittedly a lot easier in Hawaii than in continent, it's still required nerve of steel from his grandmother who has been Obama's stone in the family and has the significant place in his heart. When I heard the news she has just died before highly probable that Obama will be elected, it's sad she couldn't stay alive a couple more days to hear the news.

The fact Obama went to the best schools in America and got himself elected (I'm pretty sure) sent a huge signal to all children in the world. If you dare to dream and set your goals, you will have a chance to make it big in a way you like. To elect a black president by Americans is beyond wildest imagination taking Americans generally being perceived as a conservative people and racial intolerant particularly in midwestern and southern states (my experience as a student studied in the States in 70's). Okay, it was 30 years ago, but I never thought in my life time, I will see something happened as unthinkable as this. I read a comment from a prominent Chicagoan city councilman saying something "As black folks always say, when they let us (white people) take over, you know things are pretty dire." It's truly a world turn up side down, in a good way.

Parental Control

What is one thing that most parents fear – losing control! To lose control it’s a scary experience when we in our life learn to take control of everything. We take control of our parent as infant ensuring they will be there when we are hungry. Although we don’t know how to say it, we sure were an expert of getting their attention by crying or tantrums. By retaining their attention and getting them to do what we want is very a fine example of controlling. As we grow older, we exercise control whenever we can to get our way. If we are not getting what we want, there is naturally tendency we will be anxious, frustrated and angry. We fight back and resort to the skills we learned, we fight, we threaten, and we nag until we get what we want. All these are no more than forms of controlling.

Think about a situation that you will lose control and let others to determine your way of doing, we feel anxious as if part of you are falling in a deep void. The tendency to control is vividly imprinted in our DNA that when we become parents, the same things that we want to control our children. So it becomes a struggle to tell us; I’m doing it for their good. As result, we struggle as a parent wanting in control but acting as if we are doing it for children’s sake. But we know in the end it’s their life and they need to make it on their own. What a way to struggle! I guarantee that’s how things operate most of times in parents’ minds

Burning issues for parents who have teenage lads and lasses

Have been presenting many talks lately particularly to parents who have teenage boys and girls. The burning issues are nothing new and happen every generations. The old scheme of things repeatedly happen nowadays also happened when we were teenagers, with one exception I admit the computer there was none when I was young. The three burning issues often talk about are computer time, bad attitude and coming home late. Are these really issues? Think about from teenagers' side of coin. They are the ones undergoing physical, psychological, emotional, relational, academic, identity changes so on and so on.... Many these changes are new to them and very difficult to deal with. I often believe, teenagers are the toughest species of human form we parents should give them more credits than they deserve. It's not they are any holier than others but the process of changes they need to deal with in teenage years are way too much for anyone to handle. No wonder it creates such frictions with authorities, be them parents, teachers, adults, school, establishments of any sort. Their pendulum swing of emotion and thoughts often create erratic behavior, merry at one minute and hellish another. Talk about unpredictable or irrational creatures that scare many parents who often desperately seek counsel from variety sources books or expertise to deal with them.
Being a parent of three teenagers, I also fall into the trap of passing judgment sometimes, I mange to do better nowadays to maintain conversation and understand where they come from when particular unexplainable behavior popped up. We parents need to broaden our boundary in dealing with teenage sons and daughters. The three often burning issues that often come to be discussed in my workshop are computer ,late coming home and bad attitude, these are resulted in lack of trust and communication between parents and teenagers which could be dealt with openness and patience as a start. Don't hurry into discussion as you want answers straight away. Being parents of teenage bunch could be most wonderful experiences that every parent should enjoy.

Proud Dad

With a such lay back character as a father, I come to realize the less I'm involved to indoctrinate my beliefs, the more my sons and daughter gain as young adults. Since I decided not to involve and to mess around their grades, Haywood my son has achieved something extraordinary in recent GCSE examination. His grade on Business Studies subject in GCSE examination just published last week was graded as one of ten highest score in the world. To me, it's astonishing and couldn't help to announce the good news to other ParentCoaches

繪畫

暑假期間，我報了一個繪畫班，繪畫過程中，有時我會站遠些看自己繪畫技巧和印象，這時我會有另一種看法和感覺，然後會調較比前好。原來繪畫也好像人生，近距離視野帶來侷促，過於專注就享受不到那份自由。退一步擴闊視野，才有空間鬆一口氣，看清自己到底想怎樣。

coach Selene

We Will Rock You

Have been a dire hard rock fan for decades. Led Zeppelin, The Queen, The Beatles, The Who, Aerosmith, Deep Purple, Grand Funk, Jimi Hendrick are my favorites. I could listen to them all days and never got tired. My sons and daughter also like hard rock, heavy metal rock which contain lyrics that would not be normally accepted by parents. I know my children risk their soul being tainted by this sub culture and that's the risk I am willing to take as a parent. My daughter and I went to Rock Musical - We Will Rock You, a musical story created based Queen's twenty two songs. I had a wonderful time that reminds me when I watched- The Jesus Christ Superstar back in 70's about the same age as my daughter now. There have been so much saying about how rock affects negatively on young generation. But rock has been one of the cultures that have been around over half century. Clearly the world would not be the same had the Rock culture not been around last fifty years. The generation so called @ Baby boomers@ would not have the nostalgic time that most could reminisce the free in the 60's, the creative in that 70's that paved the free spirit this generation can enjoy.

I like this quote

"When we get beyond resentment and denial over the conditions of life and death and we accept our situation, life ceases to be a problem and we become authentic and compassionate".
Dr. Raj Persaud, Motivated Mind

Family Coaching Book

Contemplating a possible family coaching book for readers. The more I think about it the more I see the need to put my experience in use, particularly my humble ways to look at what it takes to be good moms and dads. On news alluded repeatedly in paper, TV and radio, tragic episodes on family mishaps appear almost daily. I take the fact media mostly reports bad news. I 'm sure there are numerous good news in the community which lack of catchy features, therefore eluding opportunity being carried in the news. Basic elements that constitute good relationship in the family stem from marital basis. The book I consider writing hopefully co-authoring with others is full of explicit examples how and what to do.

Keys to Coaching Success

Read many coaching books which explain coaching process, what it takes to be successful and others. These explanations sum up to simple yet difficult points 1) set unadulterated goal 2) get resources to get it done 3) track the progress. These three steps are absolutely important if one were to be successful in any endeavor. Clearly, it's a lot more difficult done than said. First we all suffer goal conflicts which dilute the attention to attain the goals. How we weigh what is more important than others? Second, goal conflict also takes away resources that may need to achieve the results. We all have limited time, money , connections that need to get job done. Unadulterated goal is more a myth than reality when it's weighted against the complexity of life and different roles we wear as individual, father, student, husband, boss, subordinate etc.... Final, tracking the progress, it's by far the most important but often being ignored. Without tracking the progress, we don;t know how we are doing whether we are off and how far from the target. In coaching that how we measure the success of coaching process whether it's worth paying for the services. Any one of three essences that constitutes successful coaching is a must for a coach to grasp.

Gottman's four horsemen that surely bring an end to a marriage

Four Horsemen that surely bring an end to a marriage

Read John Gottman’s “Four-Horsemen of Apocalypse” in which he heralds four factors that will inevitably end couple’s relationship – criticism, defensiveness, contempt and stonewalling. How many times we couples are using one of if not all these horsemen to ensure winning of verbal battle against your spouse. You might win a battle but lose a war. Professor Gottman remarks most healthy couple usually has 5 to 1 ratio to say positive things compared to negative comments. Healthy couples will conscious be aware of these four horsemen, ensuring that they would not be used as often to harm the relationship, particularly for those couples who have married for a long time taking their spouse for granted, trumping these horsemen in a battle, eventually making all losers with no winners in sight.

What did we learn as parents?

One of the most often heard comments from parents is their kids are nailed to the seats for computer games or appear doing something that parents are not comfortable in front of the computer (when asked what they are not comfortable about, parents couldn't name any specific). The debate over the usage of computer by our kids is long and acrimonious. Experts have loads of advices helping parents what can and can't be done in order to regulate the usage of kid's computer time. Not only these experts dispute how kid's computer time should be regulated, they also dispute the time kids are allowed to use the computer. Parents are given the plethora of methods which offer a solution that you could follow particular experts' tenets and no other. I just wonder by regulating the activities that prevent kids to receive information that is not right for them, would there be a better way for parents just to be a part of kid's world and find out what they are actually receiving, and then share with them in whatever form that helps to keep the dialogue going.

Sichuan

The hottest topic around is still wit Sichuan. Yesterday, the council of my hospice care NGO held a meeting and expressed the grave concern on the mental state of these family members who are left alive and orphaned in the calamity. The grieving process takes months sometimes years depending on individual. The fact many agencies showing good intention have sent volunteered counselors in this stage has little effect for the needy. Bereavement is a healing process that time plays an important part. The council suggests that let things get settled before sending in volunteers and we are aware the long commitment to the process which could take years. We have therefore assigned several hundred thousand dollars as reserve to fund the program and more resource would be forthcoming. We also notice language is a major barrier and the council take a position that our expertise lies with the setting up framework and training to backup local counselors who are in much better position to do the field works. We have experienced some great team works which one won't find among NGOs, not even in Tsunami several years ago.

四川地震

兒子的校長告訴老師們，他們欲談四川地震便做，可以不講書，兒子放學回來，告訴我幾位老師在堂上說一些我不知道的四川地震故事，昨天默哀前，老師也用了一堂關心災情，並在默哀時祈禱。事件初期，兒子捐 $ 10 救災，昨晚，他自發把零用錢儲蓄下來的 $100交給我幫他救災。他平日的儲蓄目標就是買玩具，不捨得買零食，以他 $233的儲蓄而言，願意付出 $100 己經很多。作為學校，它發揮了應有的角色---不單學書本上的知識，也了解和關心世界發生的事，令學生對有需要的人產生同情心，不單顧自己，這就是教育的果效 。
家庭和學校同步，簡直相德益彰。
coach Selene

師奶和兒子

我正在和兒子在房里睡前談心，聽見丈夫在廚房打破了玻璃水瓶，我心里想：「唉，要買個新的了！」兒子卻說：「爸爸一定執玻璃執得很辛苦。」於是，我放下師奶的想法，出去關心丈夫是否要幫忙和叮囑他小心。

Coach Selene

Flying Free

There is a place I call my own
Where I can stand by the sea,
And look beyond the things I've known ,
And dream that I might be free.
Like the bird above the trees
Gliding gently on the breeze,
I wish that all my life I'd be
Without a care and flying free!

But life is not a distant sky
Without a cloud, without rain.
And I can never hope that I
Can travel on without pain

Time goes swiftly on its way,
All too soon we've lost today.
I cannot wait for skies of blue
Or dream so long that life is through.

So life's a song that I must sing,
A gift of love I must share .
And when I see the joy it brings,
My spirits soar through the air.
Like that bird up in the sky ,
Life has taught me how to fly.
For now I know what I can be
And now my heart is flying free!

這是兒子介紹我聽的歌，有興趣者可探訪這網址，可惜找不到一個比較好的音樂版。
kids.niehs.nih.gov/lyrics/flyingfree.htm - 7k

Coach Selene

天是白色的
早上坐在窗前，白色的天空呈現眼前，腦海里突然跳出一個問題：為什麼說天空是藍色的呢？為什麼常見的天空都是白色的呢？為什麼言詞里有蔚藍的天空？為什麼有天藍色？蔚藍的天空往那里去了？

Coach Selene

行山

復活節假期，我們一家三口往悉尼和阿德雷得探望家人，在悉尼曾經行上畢直的藍山 ( Blue mountain)，兒子最初不甚願意，但在下半場，跟著姨丈一馬當先，比我還早完成。在阿德雷得也環繞Granite Island而行。後來Parentsmeetup行大潭水塘，兒子也一起同行 。三個不同的地方，不一樣的樂趣，卻同樣享受于親情、友情和大自然的環境中。我也相信兒子行完藍山，也加添了行山的信心。
行山，從來都不會是我主動提出的活動，但每次的經歷都很有滿足感。我相信有一次，當朋友聚會時，我會作出這個提議。

Coach Selene

Almost lost my life

It was spectacular moment that I wasn't prepared to face. I came into contest with other runners in a 65-kilo run around Hong Kong Island yesterday. The run started at 6am in the morning. It took me 9 hours to complete it. Although it was cool at first but heat start swelling up. By the time it reaches 12 noon. the heat was unbearable and my body was overcome by heat, start feeling chill up to my spine, at which time I knew I might have suffered a heat stroke. I slowed and stayed motionless for 15 minutes under the shade and saw all runner passed me by. At that time I completed only 45 kilometers with 20 to go. With determination that I wasn't prepared to give up by entered into the race as a senior age over 50, I intended to complete it regardless of time. I continued working on my pace and started regain some of lost energy. Timing on my first leg which was 3 hours for the first 35 kilometers was a lot faster than my second leg which took me almost 6 hours to complete. It's a horrific experience as if death just passed me by. The momentary lost of sense in front of my eyes which I've never experienced prompted me to think whether I was making a right decision to continue the race. I was thinking if I would have dropped out at that moment when I felt ill, I might have felt more responsive as a husband and father.

非一般的老師

今天往兒子學校觀課，有一位老師是年青人，但當他說到香港六十年代的歷史，他的投入和情感，好像他是活在六十年代的人，他亦用了許多問題幫助學生思考。另一位老師是中年人，他是一位很真摯和有趣的旅行攝影家，閱歷丰富，他在教學過程里分享 的是他的人生觀和價值觀，他談到攝影和大自然/人際關係，今天教育追不上媒體...等，我也上了寶貴的一課。這兩位老師特別之處是對自己所体驗所教的充滿熱情和信念，他們分享自己的想法時滲透出生命里的智慧，我看到的是教育，不是教書。我很欣賞他們，也多謝他們是我兒子的老師。

by Coach Selene

Inheritance

The best inheritance a father can give his children is a few minutes of his time each day. ( O Battista)

The finest inheritance you can give to a child is to allow it to make its own way, completely on its own feet. ( Isadora Duncan)

What is the inheritance I can give to my kid?

What is the inheritance you can give to your kid(s)?

It's interesting to think about it.

Ikea Commerical

Just got organized with one of my son's commericials about six years ago with Ikea. I like to share that with you. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6mN1OYXXDhI

I Have A Dream

Beyond Martin Luther King's famous dream about America, we all have a dream. My dream is when my book co-authored with Bonnie and Selene “ParentCoach”got published in November 2005 which dedicated to parent-child relationship, I dream of families, schools and communities where parents can reflect, learn from experiences, and modify practices by adapting ParentCoach's concept.

As a ParentCoach, I’d like to build my family as an interdependent learning unit in which all members in my family are continually seeking ways to trust, solve problems and learn together. I hope my idea of “future family” can become a sort of family culture in Hong Kong and China.

I also envision a time in which parents become increasingly adept at effective harmonious living with their kids, achieving personal potential while be good models for their kids. I see a world in which many parents have coaching skill and in which ParentCoach strives toward personal state of excellence and help their kids to grow toward harmonious expression of living together.

For this current population of 1.3 billion souls in China including Hong Kong, the global economy works only for minority of its population. The Majority of Chinese people will be left out, joining those who will be born poorer in other places. I dream better parents who constantly create condition or influence their kids about the world in which all can grow and prosper together. If parents choose, they can become ParentCoaches. I envision a more actualized, harmonious world that values work as well as family life, thus giving a brighter future for our children.

Tips being effective parents

Reread parental books in preparation for my thesis. Messages being effective parents keep appear in texts, which could be summarized as follows:

1. Talking friendly with kids - Sound of autocratic and dictatorial parents becomes more and more things of the past. Friendly voice tends to cultivate better communication with children particularly to tweens. As long as maintaining dialogue with kids, we stand better chance to communicate our feeling, thoughts and actions. Friendliness does play a key role in parenting nowadays.

2. Be both firm and kind - When parents decide upon a course of action. They must not vacillate and they must remember to be friendly, non-judgmental and matter-of -fact when applying consequences.

3. Keep your cool - Kids often try to control by getting your attention by tempting various acts to upset you. In other words, they have your buttons and they know when to push them. Responding with anger only fuel heated situation that could spring beyond parent's control. The parent stands better chance of succeeding with his child by remaining cool and matter-of-fact attitude.

4. Utilize encouragements - Parents can encourage children by recognizing effort and contribution not on results. Too focus on results will discourage children because there are often better results ahead. The non-stop chasing of finer results is primary cause of discouragement for most children, resulting kids from stop trying. Encouragement should be given even the child is not entirely successful as long he tried hard.

5. Use logical and natural consequences - Misbehaving children so often not benefit from punishment. Research after research has proved the fact punishment leads to inertial. Instead parents must allow children to experience reality's lessons through the use of logical and natural consequences.

6. Continue learning- Parents must become life learner themselves to be effective as parents. New parental skills may not work at first, but one needs to be patient and rework the skill repeatedly and parents may find one day these skills once being mastered, it becomes very effective in dealing with children. Parents must turn to learning mindset instead of mere relying on conventional wisdom in dealing with kids

How one to become a parent?

I created hundred questions to stimulate my mind. This is one of those. Where do we learn to become parents? Although so few places to learn as parents, yet it's one the most important roles for anyone in the world. The implication is so great that it could derail one's confidence in him/herself. S/he could be top dogs cum big shots in work places or well known dudes that draw envies but very likely still fail easily as parents. So how difficult to become "successful" parents? It's a lot more arduous than you thought, in fact hundred times more arduous. We couldn't take classes or courses to learn to be "successful" parents. Even you tried your best and you could end up feeling like a failure. I often take Gibran's "the Prophet" as the beacon to my parental philosophy which I like to share with you -
-Your children are not your children.
-They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
-They come through you but not from you,
-And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.
-You may give them your love but not your thoughts.
-For they have their own thoughts.
-You may house their bodies but not their souls,
-For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
-You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
-For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
-You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
-The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that -His arrows may go swift and far.
-Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
-For even as he loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.

Nelson Mandela

Been married for 17 years. My wife and I were talking about our first trips to Shanghai back in early 90's. The conversation led to one of the highlights of my life which must be counted among very top on my list. I was taking a lift to the top floor for breakfast in Kam Kong Hotel, which was one of the top hotels back then. It was like a dream when I met Nelson Mandela inside the lift whose smile and huge physique has impressed me since then. I never felt more at awe standing side by side with one of the greatest men in the world. He nodded and I addressed "Mr. Mandela, good morning". We shook hands as I were a VIP. I couldn't help but noticed his huge hand that completely dwarfed mine. The sensation derived from that encounter has stayed and imprinted in my memory as my greatest moment. One thing that I regretted is I didn't get his autograph or picture with him. I'll trade almost everything I own to relive that moment again. What a great memory!

Continue the dialogue

Finished the retreat with delights. What a wonderful group of people for mutual sharing! Things won''t stop here. Continue dialogue is the key for growth. Already initiated talks with coaches who joined the retreat and deepen thoughts and feeling how to make life fuller based what's learned in "Personal Freedom". ParentCoach Alliance use REAP model for coaching process which reflects the logical steps how coaching should be conducted. We coaches like to work with a structure that warrants results. That's how we get paid by client. In essence, REAP is more than a model, it's the flight of steps coaches needed in order to get the results. In simpler terms, it means:
1. Let client describe what he wants.
2. Listen and clarify with client
3. Say what is so
4. Listen more with client
5. Request action that may bring client what he wants if he acts
6. Identify choices available
7. Examine commitment how serious the client is for the change
8. Identify action that is right for the client
9. Ensure accountability that client elicited himself

Down! Down! Down!

Super black Monday or Tuesday or not, the falls on stock markets worldwide must have made chicken out of many when they watched the markets plummeting endlessly, thereby dipping into the wealth of many investors. Worry? Of course, it has the detrimental effect on people's psychology where businesses will hold back hiring and people will spend less in the midst of uncertainties what lie ahead. People tend to talk less when anxious, particularly so with men who famously keep emotion inside more so than women. This is the time when testing of maturity among married couples become conspicuous. So stay cool, not antagonized, especially to spouse and kids. After all it's only money.

Sir Edmund Dies

Who is Sir Edmund? For those who are hikers and trekers, Sir Edmund Hilliary is a familiar name and he was the first climber reached the peak of Mt. Everest. He died yesterday at the age 88, an eminent figure in his day, still an elevated figure in hiking world today. His achievement not only confined to record breaking feast with Tenzing Norgay, his Sherpa guide to reach the top in 1953, but he has done a great deal thereafter for Nepalese children near Himalaya region, building school and facilities that provide better education condition for local kids. His dead signified an end of a generation of expeditions that wrapped with rumors that he was not the first to reach the top in that era of mountaineering.

I didn't know who was Sir Edmund until I was interested in hiking. There are so much to talk about fierce competition between countries how to get their man as the first one to reach the highest point. Although Sir Edmund represented Untied Kingdom to reach the top, he was a New Zealander, a local hero of South Island, a place near Queenstown where my wife and I paid a tour last Summer. Anyone interested to see pictures of South Island, please click this http://picasaweb.google.com/GaliaShum/SouthIslandNewZealand?authkey=J3Sp0PrmB64 Sir Edmund is a local god that people worship him and his accomplishment. There passed another huge figure at least as we hikers see him in the hiking world.

Old But Swell

Just ended my visit with this frail (stomach cancer, end stage) but alluring lady as a hospice volunteer. Often I sensed frozen in time on the conversation with her, I ended up prolonging my visiting hours than intended scheduled. I'm enthralled by the fact there are so much wisdom by this captivating lady whose life is a Hong Kong story herself. She recounts may stories how respectful she was when doing various jobs. She often got praises for the works she rendered not because her duties any more nobler than others, in fact many are grunt works other despised, but her devotions won her praises from previous employers. Some of these former employers' progeny become regular visitors of this charming lady even their parents have long died. I enjoy my weekly visit and learn every time what it takes to make strides as a human. Of course she has other side of story that she is not proud and I'm glad she also share that with me, being recipient of many real life experiences which one of the reasons that I enjoy volunteering in hospice over six years.

一個電話掣的插座

最近我家轉了固網電話公司，但用了兩天後便失靈，工作人員在晚上九時進行修理，滿頭大汗個多鐘，發現了之前安裝員工用了另一間公司的插座，更換後仍失靈，原來自己公司是壞的，終於再換新的便通了。可謂皆大歡喜！經過一連串的檢測，一個簡單的插座便能扭轉乾坤。就好像最近有一位朋友告訴我，當她洞悉自己好勝的性格後，她和同事的關係也改善了。有時可能只是一粒沙便令人瞎了眼，但找到那粒沙，改變便不成問題了。

Coach Selene