Parental Control

What is one thing that most parents fear – losing control! To lose control it’s a scary experience when we in our life learn to take control of everything. We take control of our parent as infant ensuring they will be there when we are hungry. Although we don’t know how to say it, we sure were an expert of getting their attention by crying or tantrums. By retaining their attention and getting them to do what we want is very a fine example of controlling. As we grow older, we exercise control whenever we can to get our way. If we are not getting what we want, there is naturally tendency we will be anxious, frustrated and angry. We fight back and resort to the skills we learned, we fight, we threaten, and we nag until we get what we want. All these are no more than forms of controlling.

Think about a situation that you will lose control and let others to determine your way of doing, we feel anxious as if part of you are falling in a deep void. The tendency to control is vividly imprinted in our DNA that when we become parents, the same things that we want to control our children. So it becomes a struggle to tell us; I’m doing it for their good. As result, we struggle as a parent wanting in control but acting as if we are doing it for children’s sake. But we know in the end it’s their life and they need to make it on their own. What a way to struggle! I guarantee that’s how things operate most of times in parents’ minds

Burning issues for parents who have teenage lads and lasses

Have been presenting many talks lately particularly to parents who have teenage boys and girls. The burning issues are nothing new and happen every generations. The old scheme of things repeatedly happen nowadays also happened when we were teenagers, with one exception I admit the computer there was none when I was young. The three burning issues often talk about are computer time, bad attitude and coming home late. Are these really issues? Think about from teenagers' side of coin. They are the ones undergoing physical, psychological, emotional, relational, academic, identity changes so on and so on.... Many these changes are new to them and very difficult to deal with. I often believe, teenagers are the toughest species of human form we parents should give them more credits than they deserve. It's not they are any holier than others but the process of changes they need to deal with in teenage years are way too much for anyone to handle. No wonder it creates such frictions with authorities, be them parents, teachers, adults, school, establishments of any sort. Their pendulum swing of emotion and thoughts often create erratic behavior, merry at one minute and hellish another. Talk about unpredictable or irrational creatures that scare many parents who often desperately seek counsel from variety sources books or expertise to deal with them.
Being a parent of three teenagers, I also fall into the trap of passing judgment sometimes, I mange to do better nowadays to maintain conversation and understand where they come from when particular unexplainable behavior popped up. We parents need to broaden our boundary in dealing with teenage sons and daughters. The three often burning issues that often come to be discussed in my workshop are computer ,late coming home and bad attitude, these are resulted in lack of trust and communication between parents and teenagers which could be dealt with openness and patience as a start. Don't hurry into discussion as you want answers straight away. Being parents of teenage bunch could be most wonderful experiences that every parent should enjoy.