How one to become a parent?

I created hundred questions to stimulate my mind. This is one of those. Where do we learn to become parents? Although so few places to learn as parents, yet it's one the most important roles for anyone in the world. The implication is so great that it could derail one's confidence in him/herself. S/he could be top dogs cum big shots in work places or well known dudes that draw envies but very likely still fail easily as parents. So how difficult to become "successful" parents? It's a lot more arduous than you thought, in fact hundred times more arduous. We couldn't take classes or courses to learn to be "successful" parents. Even you tried your best and you could end up feeling like a failure. I often take Gibran's "the Prophet" as the beacon to my parental philosophy which I like to share with you -
-Your children are not your children.
-They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
-They come through you but not from you,
-And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.
-You may give them your love but not your thoughts.
-For they have their own thoughts.
-You may house their bodies but not their souls,
-For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
-You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
-For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
-You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
-The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that -His arrows may go swift and far.
-Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
-For even as he loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.

Nelson Mandela

Been married for 17 years. My wife and I were talking about our first trips to Shanghai back in early 90's. The conversation led to one of the highlights of my life which must be counted among very top on my list. I was taking a lift to the top floor for breakfast in Kam Kong Hotel, which was one of the top hotels back then. It was like a dream when I met Nelson Mandela inside the lift whose smile and huge physique has impressed me since then. I never felt more at awe standing side by side with one of the greatest men in the world. He nodded and I addressed "Mr. Mandela, good morning". We shook hands as I were a VIP. I couldn't help but noticed his huge hand that completely dwarfed mine. The sensation derived from that encounter has stayed and imprinted in my memory as my greatest moment. One thing that I regretted is I didn't get his autograph or picture with him. I'll trade almost everything I own to relive that moment again. What a great memory!

Continue the dialogue

Finished the retreat with delights. What a wonderful group of people for mutual sharing! Things won''t stop here. Continue dialogue is the key for growth. Already initiated talks with coaches who joined the retreat and deepen thoughts and feeling how to make life fuller based what's learned in "Personal Freedom". ParentCoach Alliance use REAP model for coaching process which reflects the logical steps how coaching should be conducted. We coaches like to work with a structure that warrants results. That's how we get paid by client. In essence, REAP is more than a model, it's the flight of steps coaches needed in order to get the results. In simpler terms, it means:
1. Let client describe what he wants.
2. Listen and clarify with client
3. Say what is so
4. Listen more with client
5. Request action that may bring client what he wants if he acts
6. Identify choices available
7. Examine commitment how serious the client is for the change
8. Identify action that is right for the client
9. Ensure accountability that client elicited himself

Down! Down! Down!

Super black Monday or Tuesday or not, the falls on stock markets worldwide must have made chicken out of many when they watched the markets plummeting endlessly, thereby dipping into the wealth of many investors. Worry? Of course, it has the detrimental effect on people's psychology where businesses will hold back hiring and people will spend less in the midst of uncertainties what lie ahead. People tend to talk less when anxious, particularly so with men who famously keep emotion inside more so than women. This is the time when testing of maturity among married couples become conspicuous. So stay cool, not antagonized, especially to spouse and kids. After all it's only money.

Sir Edmund Dies

Who is Sir Edmund? For those who are hikers and trekers, Sir Edmund Hilliary is a familiar name and he was the first climber reached the peak of Mt. Everest. He died yesterday at the age 88, an eminent figure in his day, still an elevated figure in hiking world today. His achievement not only confined to record breaking feast with Tenzing Norgay, his Sherpa guide to reach the top in 1953, but he has done a great deal thereafter for Nepalese children near Himalaya region, building school and facilities that provide better education condition for local kids. His dead signified an end of a generation of expeditions that wrapped with rumors that he was not the first to reach the top in that era of mountaineering.

I didn't know who was Sir Edmund until I was interested in hiking. There are so much to talk about fierce competition between countries how to get their man as the first one to reach the highest point. Although Sir Edmund represented Untied Kingdom to reach the top, he was a New Zealander, a local hero of South Island, a place near Queenstown where my wife and I paid a tour last Summer. Anyone interested to see pictures of South Island, please click this http://picasaweb.google.com/GaliaShum/SouthIslandNewZealand?authkey=J3Sp0PrmB64 Sir Edmund is a local god that people worship him and his accomplishment. There passed another huge figure at least as we hikers see him in the hiking world.

Old But Swell

Just ended my visit with this frail (stomach cancer, end stage) but alluring lady as a hospice volunteer. Often I sensed frozen in time on the conversation with her, I ended up prolonging my visiting hours than intended scheduled. I'm enthralled by the fact there are so much wisdom by this captivating lady whose life is a Hong Kong story herself. She recounts may stories how respectful she was when doing various jobs. She often got praises for the works she rendered not because her duties any more nobler than others, in fact many are grunt works other despised, but her devotions won her praises from previous employers. Some of these former employers' progeny become regular visitors of this charming lady even their parents have long died. I enjoy my weekly visit and learn every time what it takes to make strides as a human. Of course she has other side of story that she is not proud and I'm glad she also share that with me, being recipient of many real life experiences which one of the reasons that I enjoy volunteering in hospice over six years.

一個電話掣的插座

最近我家轉了固網電話公司，但用了兩天後便失靈，工作人員在晚上九時進行修理，滿頭大汗個多鐘，發現了之前安裝員工用了另一間公司的插座，更換後仍失靈，原來自己公司是壞的，終於再換新的便通了。可謂皆大歡喜！經過一連串的檢測，一個簡單的插座便能扭轉乾坤。就好像最近有一位朋友告訴我，當她洞悉自己好勝的性格後，她和同事的關係也改善了。有時可能只是一粒沙便令人瞎了眼，但找到那粒沙，改變便不成問題了。

Coach Selene