Year End

Year End

Ear end usually is a time for reflection for what have we done past 12 months or 365 days or 8,760 hours or 525,600 minutes. Is it time important? It depends who you talk to. If you talk about concept of time to those have been through ups and downs in life, time is not necessarily as important as one thinks. If you talk to those have planned what lies ahead and are serious about the goals they set, time is smashingly important. What I learned in past years, in order to be fulfilled and joyful, one has to invest “attention” for what one wants to do. Not only that, one has to set goal, get feedback, prime challenge, ensuring that how to balance sagging nervousness resulting from stress and painless rot of daily routine. Both going to extreme can erode psyche energy that is important to perpetuate a normal life.

Let me take this break of turning old to new year to wishing everyone here a fruitful year ahead. Whatever you do and plan to do, be attentive not so much you lose the joy of life but enough to get what you want in life.

Keep Reading "Flow"

The section was talking about family. Some of the most rewarding or frustrated experiences one could have are result of family relationship. You have could a successful career but family usually is right up there as the number one priority especially when people looking back in life that how much they have missed by not being more with family members.

The core of family relationship lies with couples to which relationship is built and children look upon their parents as they search models in life from youngster, adolescent to young adult. Couple comprises to stay healthy is crucial and is a difficult task to maintain. Sustenance for marital relationship is a process both ma and pa must work hard on it. When two focus on each other, both must be change of habit to get the result of change they desire.Most know getting married requires a radical and permanent reorientation of the couple that suit the status from single to married. When a child added to the pair, that complicates the process triply that without conscious reflection of what role ma and pa are gonna be, it could derail the relationships as originally desired. All these conscious change and reflection take constant hard works. If a person is unwilling to adjust personal goals when starting a relationship as weighty as marriage, then a lot of what subsequently happens in that realtionshjp will produce disorder to a point that will derail the relationship itself. The book distincts outside and inside conditions that affect family. Outside condition encompasses family economic, materials, where to live, what profession of ma and pa. These are valued through the social norm that are weighty back in the minds of most people. The serenity lies with the inside condition where couple must look upon what they do is congruent what they believe and align with family members that create the bigger supporting background for inevitable adverse situations to come.

I like the quote by Cicero that to be completely free on must become a slave of a set of law. Personally it holds true to me. I know myself being mostly a desirous to be "free" person, the fact absolutely free is a ticket to "chaos" which is unthinkable for me in the past. The book cites examples how healthy marriage lasts, it's the commitment by ma and pa solemnly vowed to better, to worst, and to dealth that do them apart literally. By investing psyche energy (attention) to preserve the marriage is the best way as suggested by the author.

Autotelic/flow/optimal experience

Reading a book called Flow by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi. I find terms called autotelic or flow or optimal experience essentially meaning one thing - state of happiness or enjoyment even in most daunting or horrifying conditions such as concentration camps, solidary confinements or paralytic medical complications. Some people are lucky few, unlike happiness eluding most population, they have certain rudiments of character that prompt happiness. They devote more psyche energy in exploring things they like to do in certain framework in mind which include things they enjoy doing must have goals, rules and feed backs. These framework allows people to push the standard to higher level which is essential to achieve the flow experience. Also they usually are brought up in the families which propose the 5C elements of building autotelic experience. These are:
Clarity - what parents expect of a child needs clearly expressed
Centering- parents are interested what children are doing than what they will be in the future
Choice - variety of possibilities children could choose including breaking parent's rules
Commitment - parents trust and allow the child to feel comfortable enough set aside the shield of his defenses and become unselfconsciously involved on things he is interested
Challenge - the parents' dedications to provide increasingly complex opportunity for action to their children

The book concluded that anyone can achieve autotelic experience which requires attention to building habits, investing psyche energy or attention in hobbies, sports, reading, art, music, even mundane routines that sometimes people find them rut. All these could make life enjoyable and take little resources apart from what we have already had. As parents, the 5C is some concept that is coinciding to coaching concept which worths parents to look into incorporating into their beings while kids are still young. It's never too late.

Gab with my son

It's been long time since my son and I have dinner alone without others together. What could be a better timing than wife is hiking in Nepal, young son touring in China, daughter outing with mates? This makes a wonderful break for Haywood and I chow down in my favorite Shanghais Restaurant in Happy Valley. We talked with no particular text and just shot breeze. Children grow by leaps and bounds. The fact I often hang around with family perhaps more than average dad is godsent luxury and blessing. The fact I run my own business have a lot to do with what I can do with my family. From the gab I endure with my children, I seldom find them bored. These kids don't fudge and mudge on subjects. What I babble, will get snappy come back in return. What else a dad can ask for!

Book Launch

It was a launch filled with closeness all around. Place was packed with people who from what I observed are genuinely happy for the event. Iris published her first book in which I played a tiny part as her coach. Vividly reminisce the day we met and later on agreed to stay in touch about the project, it seems like yesterday. Iris recounts of her experiences which is pictoric by MTR station map and different colors. What a novel idea! I read her book incessantly and enjoyed it a great deal. It takes boldness on Iris' part to unload her past in a way that she remains positive about the events. Iris conquered the ghosts as if it haunted her along. At a closer look, it provided most rewarding experiences she now treasures so much. A book like this is definitely a great way to share with others.

I'm happy for Iris as I would to all our friends who may encounter trials and tribulations that seem unbearable. On the flip side it could be blessing in disguise which is essential if we were to enjoy life in its fullness.

Riddles for Kids--Answers

1. A mouse. It squeaks.

2. A cheetah.

3. A starfish.

4. A pineapple.

5. The banana split.

6. It ran out of juice.

7. If you add 4 and 4, you get 8.

8. Because they have their own scales

9. When it is full.

10. Because she was all tied up.

Riddles for Kids

6. Why did the orange stop in the middle of the road?

7. Why is it dangerous to do Math in the jungle?

8. Why fish is easy to weigh?

9. When is the moon heaviest?

10. Why couldn’t the mummy answer the telephone?

Riddles for Kids

1. What kind of animal needs oiling?

2. What animal breaks the law?

3. What fish is famous?

4. What kind of apple isn’t an apple?

5. What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

沒有遺憾

我的外公有十四個子女，外公外婆喪禮時，子女才一起回港，但是老人家未能生前一家團聚。我有兩兄弟和五個姊姊，我們被激發計畫就父母健在時兩三年一次家庭大團聚，這樣對父母便很有意思。今年十一月已是第三次。最後一晚我們請了親戚吃飯，飲宴中途，我們分享對父母的欣賞和感激，成為一個令父母深刻的晚上。雖然我每年都藉著父母生日和父母親節寫咭鼓勵他們，但是能夠和兄弟姊們一起向父母養育之恩表達埋在心里的感激，還是第一次，作為子女的我們，沒有遺憾。

Coach Selene

Oxfam Trailwalker 2007

I'll play different role this year's Trailwalker not as a walker but a supporter to my fellow hikers from HK Hiking Meetup. Looking back my past six tries, I hasten to add that I have enjoyed fellow hikers more than trail. Initially the breathtaking landscape of Sai Kung was really the reason into the trail. After years of practices and trekking in same spots, I would have thought the only constant elements that attract me is change of hikers every practice and trek. Hiking is exceptionally rewarding as emotional healing tool. For my clients and friends who are experiencing discomfort and distress, hiking is one of the best methods to relieve pain physically and emotionally alike. Coming back to the Trailwalker, I know guys who have been in the trail over 12 years starting in his 40's and now approaching 60. Isn't it amazing people who suppose to be called "papa, over-the-hill, elders, seniors" but result-wise these people among the fast hikers in any age group? Health with no limit , anyone could be as vigorous and vibrant as young chaps in twenties

與大自然連結

重陽節，我們幾個家庭大小共21人，經西部通道到達深圳華僑城「生態公園」渡過了很開 心的一天。沿途上，孩子玩水，用大塊樹葉玩 放船仔，拋石仔 ，澗 水，在大球場里玩飛碟，足球，跳繩，打羽毛球，吃冰棒‧‧‧可以大力呼吸清 新的 空氣，聞聞綠 葉的氣昧，沒有電腦和遊戲機的一天，孩子一樣是樂透了。與大自然連結，就是最簡單 ，最容易得到的樂 趣。

Coach Selene

祝福

最近有位朋友的女兒J(九個月大)患了惱膜炎，正在深切治療病房。這隻菌很頑劣，我們一班朋友往醫院探望J的父母，替他們打氣。我們每天都為這家庭祈禱，希望神每天為J畫出彩虹。

這事件也再一次題醒我：健康成長不是理所當然，幸福也不是必然。望著快九歲的兒子一天天長大，只有感激和珍惜。

Beatles

Beatles是流行音樂界的奇才，機乎每一首歌都令我聽出耳油，這個當然要介紹給我的兒子認識和欣賞。某天晚上，我們一邊吃晚飯，一邊聽Beatles的歌，他對於每首歌的主音歌手是John或 Paul甚感興趣，至於Ringo的傷風聲音，他已會辨別。我們一起談他們的才華和努力，Paul 如何欣賞John，John 的不幸被刺，兒子問其他三人有否放棄…等。從前他聽歌，今天他認識歌者的故事，我享受和兒子隨著他不同年紀產生不同的交流。翌日放學乘電梯回家時，他不其然哼起Eight Days a Week…我也不其然笑起來。

Coach Selene

曾國藩的故事

曾國藩是中國歷史上有影響的人物之一，然而他小時候的天賦並不高。有一天，他在家讀書，對一篇文章重複很多遍了，還在朗讀，因為他還没背下來。這時候，他家裡來了一個賊，潛伏在屋檐下，希望等讀書人睡覺之後撈點好處。可是，賊等啊等啊，就是不見他睡覺，還在翻來覆去地讀那篇文章。賊人大怒，跳出來說：「這種水平還讀什麼書？」然後將那篇文章背誦一遍，揚長而去！
賊人是很聰明，至少比曾先生要聰明。可惜，他的天賦沒有加上勤奮，變得不知所終。他只能成為賊。
勤能補拙，一分辛苦一分才。曾先生卻成為後人欽佩的人。

孟德斯鳩說：「將來，只屬於那些辛勤勞動的人。」高爾基也說：「要使理想的宮殿變成現實的宮殿，必須經過埋頭苦幹、不聲不響地勞動，一磚一瓦地去建造。」

上帝給予了天分，勤奮將天份變為天才。偉大的成功和辛勤的勞動是成正比的，有一分勞動就有一分收獲，日積月累，從少到多，奇迹就可創造出來。

coach Selene

200 Mark

I was ecstatic to receive notification that my hiking group broke 200 memberships since it's inception two years ago. Number is one thing but the influence it has to make more people hiking-induced certainly is the reason for joy.My hiking group has registered different culture, people of different origins. The good thing I can gleefully hike with like-minded people and chat with many different topics that are beyond my scope of knowledge.

Sometimes I purposely flout all hiking etiquette, if there is any, to allow more flow of free spirit that won't happen in other groups. I love this group and believe there are many years to enjoy hiking as a dose of healthy exercise. Hope many more will be attracted to hiking as a past time.

正羲俠士

今早醒來，快九歲的兒子爬上床來要玩正羲俠士 ( Justice League)。今天的孩子正留意新一代Bionicle—Mahri 何時抵港，他卻同我玩正羲俠士，我們是否有些不合時宜呢？其實幾年前，我和兒子已開始了暑假的早上在床上製作故事劇，故事人物有兇惡的野狗，這些野狗的心在連續劇集下會變得良善，正羲俠士執行公義時會幫助壞人良心發現，他們會在BBQ時收到命令，有時是烏龍笑話，創作無限…，今天他加插了Bionicle，但他已稱這個遊戲是Justice League。我猜不到他仍鍾情于這個遊戲，我也喜歡這個屬於我兩母子的時刻，正如兒子喜歡在星期六的早上爬上床找爸爸摔角一樣，形成了一種獨特的家庭關係。

coach Selene

Weekly Grocery

Never before appeal to me that grocery is a great way to get closer to my teenage sons and daughter. Although we talk often, not all subjects are of their interest. Once these kids choose what they want in snacks and in the process of grocerying, many more conversations resulted from snacks and foods that never come up before. What a weekly ritual!

Childhood

Received calls from hot line last night. One call is particularly heart wrenching. This guy in mid 20's has been depressed for a couple months. For some reasons, he has nightmare every time he sleeps that really bothers him a great deal. He rekindles his story where he was physically abused by grandma and uncle, while his parents were still in mainland (eventually parents got divorced, another blow!). He vividly recalled an instant where he was stripped bare, beaten and kicked out naked in front of dozen relatives. He recalls these realtives were laughing at the other side of door. He just couldn't let go with this instant that haunts him to this day. Frankly, this guy spoke eloquently and articulates his points very well. If inertia continue like this, he is worried what future lies with him. Sometimes trauma in childhood has done harm to many. Although this man has ability to survive, he nonetheless has been incapacitated by past experiences. Unless he repeals not represses all these bad experiences, he has a long way to go to become psychological sound again. Not feel well at all after hearing this call.

Feeling about feeling; thinking about thinking

Clients asked what are the best ways to tackle anxieties and frustration. I don't know about others. I use "thinking about thinking" and "feeling about feeling" to counter whatever situations where I feel frustrated and confused. These tools instantly give me space that helps evaluating what state of mind I make myself into. " Make myself into frustration and anger" - no joke, we make ourselves miserable and become victim of our own making.

每一個晚上

兒子每晚睡前，爸爸會與他看書，聊天，談男孩子有興趣的話題，如科學，Transformers，運動，高達，戲經，聖經...等。我也很喜歡和兒子的晚 間小聚，兒子仍喜歡聽我的即興攪笑短故事，或一起說笑，也談人生的道理，有時他會問我「今天有什麼開心和不開心」，如果當天我和他有些未解決的衝突，這是最佳的時刻坦白從寬，在漆黑的房里，大人小孩也較易放下尊嚴。他喜歡一起祈禱，可以回想值得感激的人和事，他一定會祈求的是「不發惡夢，一覺睡天光」。每 晚他就這樣心境平和入睡。有些晚上我很疲倦，想「休息一天」，但每當想到有一天他認為這些老友記時間是屬於孩童的時候，我便珍惜每一個晚上。

coach Selene

Commitment and Action

Have you ever wondered why we often make commitment that we deeply regret when the moment to fulfill them arrives?. We all do that. We agree to volunteer reading to kids and we look forward to that obligation even as we jot it in our diary. then when it actually comes time to gather books, plan the content for the event and ignore the fact there is a highly attractive hike on schedule, We wonder what we were thinking when we said yes. Well, here's what we were thinking; when we said yes we were thing about reading to kids in terms of why instead of how, in terms of causes and consequences instead of execution. and we failed to consider the detail part of the event. Reading to kids next month is "an act of love" and reading to kids on the day is "an act of lunch". It happens to me often that the commitment I put in diary a month ago has created anxiety when it comes to the actual execution of that commitment , which reminds me to be careful not to over commit for things that appears to be charitable but later could cause grieve.

有趣的研討題目

The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother. ( Theodre Hesburgh)

為人父者能為子女所做的首要之事，莫過於愛他們的母親。(讀者文摘珠璣集)

為人父者同意嗎？

天下母親同意嗎？

這句說話存著什麼玄機？

coach Selene

Tweens to teens

Wife is returning this Friday from excursion in Tibet. In past 3 weeks I was playing dual roles as dad and mom. I must say it's a wonderful experience. After all being "a mom" is not as bad I thought. In fact, it's quite an enjoyable experience once I let kids determine their plan of actions. Observing as a coach, most kids have their routines, which form part of their lives. I must admit I would not concur some of them. Nonetheless, it's their life and I have confidence as long as we model as parents positively, most kids will find their ways to ride through most turbulent times from tween to teen.

What a day for hiking!

Yesterday was one the hottest days for outdoor activities. I scheduled a hike on Mac Trail 3 almost a month ago. It turned out only three hikers joining the trail. Not only that, two of them dropped in the midst of exhausting heat. Nevertheless, I finished the trail by myself and almost got killed with the sun beaming down from the top. I noticed visibility in Hong Kong has improved a bit lately. I could see clearly almost as far as Taipo from Saikung. That's something worth celebrating.

Secondary One Admission

Today is a big day for parents if they have kids who just graduated primary school. Parents will rush here and there to fill the spaces of secondary one. My son has got registered months ago and I was playing chicken not to wait till the selection of central lottery system which is devastating for many parents. Education to me is a life long passion, underline passion. If one doesn't have to passion and enjoyment of doing thing (anything), he won't feel energized to get up and do what he promises to do.

I look at education like playing ball, computer games, all these gadgets that are so popular amongst kids. I wish someone would invent a game where kids are so attracted to it and be able to learn language, mathematics, and science. Today's education is so out of touch for the interest of learning, particularly for kids, only a small percentage of lucky parents whose children are curious and driven to learn in traditional ways.

End of Life Care

Death is an inevitable part of life. When death occurs, everyone associated with the death are affected. Attending today's symposium allows me to look at death from different views. Studies have found most people lack of preparation leading to their own death. Perhaps, being Chinese we don't like to talk about it, although it's changing. Older people begin to accept the nature process of dying and many plan according to their needs much better than previous generations. Thanks to a group of professionals working in hospice, counseling, hospitalized care, death is no longer a taboo we avoid to talk about. In fact the more we talk about it the more we're prepared to face the inevitability. The fact we all die one day.There are several areas worth mentioning in dealing with impending death, the spirituality, support and self-esteem. These factors affect the acceptability of death, past related regret and future related regret. There are also clinical implication for family who could join patients quest for spiritual and existential meaning and life closure, or affirm the integrity and promotion of forgiveness.

Death, Dying and Bereaved

If you want to know from experts various ways to address, death, dying and bereavement, there are still limited seats for another symposium run by HKU Department of Behavioral Science. Here a list of topics that may interest you:
1. Suffering and Death Anxiety at the End-of-life
2. Attitude and Coping towords Death among Hong Kong Chinese
3. Learning about Forgiveness - Dealing with Grief
4. Inducing Hope to Hopless Bereaved persons

Please let me know by today.

Learned Helplessness

Still want to talk about the 'learned helplessness". The more I think about it the more I realize it is a dreadful disease affecting many of us, kids and adults. The symposium I attended, Dr Chiang has demonstrated a way to consciously attack learned helplessness so that one could maintain relatively positive view in life. This is how he did it.

A(Adversity)= think about an adverse situation that you feel either rejected or something that made you upset
B(Belief)= interpretation or belief that you assign to that situation has made you disappointed and you become helpless.
C(Commitment)= commit for a change of view that thing could be interpreted differently
D(Disputation)= dispute the situation or the intention behind that caused feeling of being rejected or dejected
E(Energize)= energize your new-found interpretation that could provide a more positive emotion in relation to the fact.

Ethnic Minorities

Helped to screen out ethnic minorities students this morning for IVE of Vocational Training Council. My impression Hong Kong is not doing enough to provide chance for these students who are mostly from ten to eleven schools that provide schooling for South Asians. Hong Kong has about 300,000 ethnic minorities who have been in Hong Kong for many years and who are HK residents. Over the years, sons and daughters of ethnic minorities have been educated and adapted local curriculumn. Somehow these kids have not adapted the Chinese thereby reducing their chances to get to local universities. As resulted, most become the laborers that you may notice from time to time in road and construction sites.I work with a couple agencies who help ethnic minorities and just heard a story this morning two brothers committed suicide within a week and left five orphans at hand of their mother. The grand mom , being an Indian has now burdened to deal with five youngsters aging from 2 to 7. Tragic or not, the fact we heard a great deal pain and suffering from ethnic Chinese, we may also ignore the fact there are large ethnic minorities population whose origins from countries like Indian, Pakistan, Nepal, Thai, Vietnam, etc.... that we are not doing enough.What is enough? I don't know.

Tele-meetups from ParentCoach Alliance

If you are interested to know how parental coaching works with kids, Bonnie Chan, Selene To and SK Shum are offering three tele-meetups to share our experiences as parents and coaches. We will also talk about the upcoming course “ Parent as Coach” sponsored by HKU-SPACE.

Please mark the following Wednesdays from 8:30 to 9:30 P.M for the meetups.

- August 15
- September 19
- October 17

For registration to join these meetups free of charge, please email to info@parentcoachalliance.com .

4th HK Palliative Care Symposium

Just chaired a sub-conference of the 4th HK Palliative Care Symposium in HKU yesterday. Dr John Chiang who is from Taiwan introduced therapeutic recreation skills to help kids to reduce anxieties on radio and scan treatments, a standard procedure for brain tumors. This young doctor has been spending his life to design games for young patients to detract them from normal hospitalized nightmares (rules, food, pain, loneliness, etc..) which cause much sufferings for kids as well as adults. Never seen an energy-filled young doctor as passionate Dr. Chiang. A couple of his methods could be used for adults in a dreadful disease called "learned helplessness" which becomes normal ways of life for people who couldn't look things on the flip side. As resulted, life becomes a drag.

Graduation

Another milestone! My youngest son graduated today as p6 student, officially only steps away to become a teenager. It's hard to imagine I have three teens under the same roof. Guarantee things will become very interesting. Today's parents have to catch-up with teens' gadgets inorder to appreciate why kids are so drawn to them, wii, ipod, camera, iphone(not yet), and play-station 3, not to mention their secretly hide-out online games. The more we familiarize with these games the more I find they are not all bad. In fact, many of these games are educational such as Runscape, a online game that allows player to practice different roles as in the real world. Players get a chance to decide what they like to do, as a warrior, a carpenter, a caretaker... so on. By how you manage your wealth, trade your tools, and interact with your friends and foes to determine whether you win or not. Interesting!

Habit

It's fun to write a bit everyday regardless how little. Rain has stalled my hiking activities past a couple of weeks. I still manage to run 8 kilometers everyday, again another habit in making. It's tough under condition of rain and shine. Nevertheless, it gives me ecstasy and energy filling me all day. Good grief!

SK

Revolutionary Wealth by Toffler

I was fascinated by the depth of this book. It put me off guard as I go by my business without knowing the world has changed so fast, too fast for me to do catching up. My children's future is no longer the same. How wealth created is beyond my imagination. The flow of money and information that revolutionize the world will speed up. Those who maintain "old way" of thinking will be thrown off the train, a very frightening experience. Some of kinky morale issues that are difficult to accept as parents will remain the struggles between generations. That is something really bothering parents at one end to accept the reality our children are greatly influenced by these info-dynamic cultures, very little thing that we can do but change our views that hopefully place us in a better light in dealing with kids.Nevertheless a wonderful book for those who want to be rudely awaken to a new world.

Parent as Coach 怎樣成為一位親子教練
Course Start Date 開課日期: 07 Nov 2007
SE 28-064-27 (71)

課程簡介
本 課 程 的 設 計 ， 是 為 人 父 母 者 ， 又 同 時 有 興 趣 成 為 教 練 ， 或 把 教 練 學 應 用 在 親 子 關 係 上 的 人 士 而 編 寫 。 課 程 內 容 包 括 ： 教 練 學 基 礎 何 謂 親 子 教 練 ？ 為 何 和 如 何 行 得 通 ？ 怎 樣 和 子 女 使 教 練 過 程 成 為 樂 趣 ？ 運 用 REAP 模 式 幫 助 父 母 聆 聽 , 發 問 和 建 立 子 女 父 母 間 的 信 任 產 生 醒 悟 力 ， 與 子 女 設 計 行 動 和 訂 立 目 標 認 識 教 練 學 的 談 話 如 何 有 效 地 幫 助 父 母 和 被 子 女 接 納 ？ 教 練 學 實 習

導師 : 沈 士 基國 際 教 練 協 會 主 席
上課時間 : 逢 星 期 三 晚 上 6 時 30 分 至 9 時 30 分
堂數 : 5
教學語言 : 廣 東 話
學費 : $1,050

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source: http://hkuspace.hku.hk/web_course/course_list.php?parent_seq=457&col=&sort=&content=eng&keyword=&start=20

至死不渝的愛情

農曆新年過後不久，一個老人家在妻子死後一天才報警，報章記者因此採訪他而報導了一個真實而動人的故事。

原來老公公的妻子患了癱瘓症，老公公每天都用木頭車推她外出。他們喜歡跳舞，他就會推她的妻子去跳舞。有一天，她的妻子說：「假如有一天我先逝去，我想你陪我一晚才報警。」

情人節快到了，記者問他怎樣渡過，他說：「我會在餐廳如常訂兩個位，也會買枝玫瑰花放在木頭車上，推往餐廳，因為她喜歡跳舞。」

Coach Selene

少年往事

我在一個偶然的機會，看了一套中國電影「少年住事」，片中描述一對少年男女主角在學校內外的生活和純真友誼。拍攝之地是充滿歐陸色彩的青島。如果回到少年時，我也十分嚮往那種自由，純真和大自然。雖然主角是學生，但與「小孩不笨」的演譯不一樣，片裏談的是兩個少年的夢想和友情。他們課餘時一起一邊清潔課室，一邊聊天。一架破舊的老爺車和一隻被棄置的木船也可帶來簡單的樂趣( simple pleasures)。一個醉心音樂的小子嘗試作曲，好朋友說不好聽…這份坦白很可愛。好朋友為追隨夢想離開家園，音樂小子依依不捨支持她。從此天各一方，再沒相見，但都實現了自己的夢想，同時也忘不了一段少年往事。

我也被這個故事和拍攝深深吸引著，仿佛進入了少年人的夢想和對關係的憧景，但願天下少年人也擁有這份自由和空間去做夢，有支持者同行，實現理想。

"The Five Love Languages of Children"

Love Language # 1: Physical Touch

Love Language # 2: Words of Affirmation

Love Language # 3: Quality Time

Love Language # 4: Gifts

Love Language # 5: Acts of Service

"The Five Love Languages of Children" by Gary Chapman & Ross Campbell

巴士上兩母子

有一天我乘巴士，一坐下便看見和聽到對面座位上一個母親正向著一個少年人喋喋不休，內容大確是如何如何運用暑假，和想法的種種原困。從談話內容可知道那少年人該是她的兒子，初中生。他的母親一面說，他就一直低下頭，眼珠橫掃四週，樣子看來有些尷尬，但仍然很有耐性地聽，直至下車。下了車，我看見那個兒子終於有 機會發言。

有時這些情景猶如一面鏡，幫助自己提高 警惕，親子溝通就是溝通，有來 有往，有講有聽，那怕是公眾場所也不是問題。

Parent and child

Quotes:

The quickest way for a parent to get child's attention...is to sit down and look comfortable.

The moment you have children, you forgive your parents...everything.

"Furry Logic" by Jane Seabrook

April 12

Finally got my site published. The majority of work lied heavily in gathering of information. Yesterday was one heck of good day, having some sort of spiritual experiences that haven't come around for a long time. I felt like a bout of power running through my spine and ended up at the tip of my head. it happened when I completed my 18-kilo run last night. Good also the sharing I had in fellowship last night which talked about Luke 4 when JC was doing those miracles. It really hit me for the first time that I enjoy the fellowship so much, although a bit intellectual I enjoyed it nevertheless.

serenitycoaching

serenitycoaching

Finally got my site published. The majority of work lied heavily in gathering of information. Yesterday was one heck of good day, having some sort of spiritual experiences that haven't come around for a long time. I felt like a bout of power running through my spine and ended up at the tip of my head. it happened when I completed my 18-kilo run last night. Good also the sharing I had in fellowship last night which talked about Luke 4 when JC was doing those miracles. It really hit me for the first time that I enjoy the fellowship so much, although a bit intellectual I enjoyed it nevertheless.

一個青少年的改變

兩年前，我是一個青少年J的教練，她當時是一間著名女子中學的F.2學生，她無心向學，成績退步，喜歡三五成群吃喝玩樂，令父親十分擔心。在教練過程里，她漸漸明白學科上的困難令她逃避多於正視，也清楚自己喜歡吃喝玩樂的想法不設實際，後來她重新調整自己讀書的態度，習慣和方法，重新計劃自己在當時階段的目標，今天她F.4 了，她學會不怕別人的眼光，選讀了自己喜歡和有信心的科目。她在去年十一月送了一張卡片給我，原來是她畫的畫，很漂亮和時代感，我還請她在畫上簽上大名。今年新年假期完結前一天，她仍隨著爸爸去拜年，她真是一位令我另眼相看的青少年。

怪不得有謂：改變的第一步是接納。

The first step toward change is acceptance… (Will Garcia)

不吃肉的鱷魚

「從前，有一隻鱷魚叫小鱷，牠很特別的，牠不吃肉，但牠只會吃菜和生果。牠的顏色也和鱷魚不一樣的，牠的顏色是橙色的。很多的鱷魚都說牠不是一隻鱷魚，小鱷很不開心。有一次，很多隻鱷魚又說小鱷不是一隻鱷魚，小鱷說：「但每個人天生不是一樣的，例如一種人天生就有病，他們的頭會很大。所以我和你們不一樣，顏色不一樣，吃不一樣，都是可以的。」這些鱷魚終於都明白每個人的天生都是不一樣的。所以每隻鱷魚都做了小鱷的好朋友。」

「不吃肉的鱷魚」取自某學校的「我的日誌」( My Daily Log)，學生是一位剛滿八歲的男孩子周子祈 ( L )。後來，我問他…

我：甚麼令你寫了這個故事？

L：其實有種東西通常都會做某樣事，但不等於地球上所有那種東西都會做那樣的事。

我：你可以說多些或舉一些例子嗎？

L：世界上許多人做同一樣事，但也有人不做。例如男人許多都喝咖啡，但也有男人不喝。許多人都吃肉，但也有人不吃肉。

我：那麼對於人和人之間，你是否有甚麼看法？

L：一個人和另一個人一定有些分別。

我認識這個孩子，他很容易和別人做朋友，可能因為他沒有給自己和別人一個框框。他也曾表達希望身邊的人(包括父母)接受「他就是他」，「他不是別人的他」。

我喜歡看孩子的文章，圖畫，和他們交談，因為他們都有自己獨特的心聲，帶來驚喜，也啟發我和孩子的相處。假如一個八歲孩子也懂得這個道理，這道理該不怎樣複雜，小孩子的心就是如此簡單。

To err is human

Many parents who try to save their children from making mistakes have good intentions. They want to protect their children from pain, disappointment, and embarrassment. While protecting their children from pain of mistakes, they rob them of self-confidence, of a positive attitude about mistakes, and of skills that could be learned from making mistakes.

Parenting is a growing process for parents as well as for their children. When parents learn to let go by allowing mistakes, they allow their children to develop according to their uniqueness – rather than trying to mold them into someone that parents want them to be.

In addition, some parents are afraid their children will make the kinds of mistakes that could “ruin” their lives. One example that I felt so strongly happened to my client’s son, David who was 13 and got caught stealing in one of the convenient stores in Causeway Bay last year. Cost of the stolen item was eleven dollars. My client received a call from the police in the middle of night and was told David got caught stealing red handed. I was asked to come along with my client to the station, as she didn’t know what to do, neither did I.

My client sobbed all the way to the station and worried to death that her son might be prosecuted. The story didn’t turn out that way. Her son got released on one condition that he wouldn’t steal again. If he were to commit stealing again, he certainly would be prosecuted and be put on trial. Weeks after the event, I managed to coach David. He described the horrible feeling he had when he was placed in the cell with other adults. Being put away and spent a night in the cell was a strong enough message for David that he would never want to be placed in the same situation again.

Many parents would argue, “But I can’t let my child make that sort of mistake that could really hurt him.” The example given perhaps a bit too much for most parents. Of course we have to use common sense. We don’t want our children to learn from the mistake of running into a busy street. Nevertheless, too many parents use “need to protect” excuse, which creates more damage than good.

Other parents are more concerned with their own reputations than with the growth of their children. They’re afraid that their children’s mistakes reflect on them: “I’m so embarrassed about what you’ve done. What will people think?” We may never know what other people think, but we do know that children feel conditionally loved in such a situation. Their self-esteem diminishes, and they’re more likely than ever to compound their mistakes rather than to learn from them. However, when our children are more important than “what other people think,” we might ask, “What was that experience like for you?”

What Do Mistakes Mean to You As Parents?

Before we can teach our children the value of mistakes, we need to see their value ourselves. Usually to do this means examining the way we’ve handled mistakes in the past. It’s not easy to admit making mistakes and react to them in more positive lights.

One of the best ways to teach our children that mistakes are wonderful opportunities to learn is to practice this principle ourselves. When we make mistakes, we can either feel inadequate, humiliated and like a failure or we can look for the opportunities to learn.

Instead of perpetuating feelings of judgment and guilt by focusing on the mistake itself, our children would learn infinitely more if we taught them to evaluate how they feel about the result of their decision (in above example, David got caught in stealing), to understand what the result was and how it came about (David was put in the cell spending a night with other adults), and to determine what they might do differently to achieve a different result next time (David would think twice or three times before committing stupid acts again). We can use this same process to evaluate our own mistakes.


Our illusionary fears about mistakes disable our children, and us but the ability to learn from mistakes is encouraging – and enhances our relationships, Mistakes are a small price to pay for the valuable lessons that can be learned. Give yourself and your children a break and remember, “ In Parenting, Mistakes are wonderful Opportunities to learn.”

Coach SK

父母奧斯卡

每年我都看奧斯卡頒獎禮，因為我喜歡看見別人努力的成就和成果，有些人努力了几十年，從沒贏過奧斯卡獎，例如作曲家 Ennio Morricone，他有很多出色的作品，包括燴炙人口的「獨行俠」，今年獲終生成就獎，成就被認同，出現動人的一幕。

其實人群中，每個人都有其個人長處和才能，身為父母也不例外，有些擅長攪笑，有些是運動，或文學，管理，人際關係，烹飪，美學，芸術，性格上誠實，負責任，愛心，真誠，寬宏大量，心胸廣闊，正面積極，堅毅，溫文…等等。可能父母半生也憑著自己的理念和人格努力撫育孩子成材，心底里，希望有一天子女會給自己一個獎項，並非自己是十全十美的父母，只是自己是努力的父母，希望子女欣賞。同樣地，一個青少年也想父母給自己一個獎項，並非自己是十全十美的子女，只是自己是父母的孩子，希望獲父母的鼓勵。